It’s been a long hard road. It all started when I read Animal Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver .  This book is fantastic and seriously makes you think you could live in this world of total self sustaining and localized farming. Never mind the fact I live in a tiny apartment in Chicago with no porch and east facing windows. I can hardly grow a fake plant let alone grow my entire diet. Yet when I get to the chapter about making cheese and I am enamored with the idea. I love it, so simple so easy right? I order myself this awesome starter kit from cheesemaking.com – as Ricki Carroll is the mother of all things homemade cheese related. (I actually got to meet her briefly at a conference here.. what a great day, I came home with enough cheese for a year and it was all of $50- anyway, that’s another story) The kit comes with everything a beginning cheese maker could want and I am excited of the prospect of having June and August tomatoes with fresh mozzarella and basil so I dig right in.

1. Hmmmm. That didn’t work so well. Wonder what the problem is. Probably my milk, it must be ultra pasteurized milk which will never work.

2. I guess that wasn’t it. Maybe it’s the water. Chicago tap water must have some chlorine in it. Bottled water it is.

3. Temperature, did I get the temperature wrong? Must be more careful about that.

4. Well, this is strange and starting to piss me off. What the hell, I know; I’ll email cheesemaking.com for some advice.

5. Jewel brand powdered milk does not work. Grrr, frustration rising. Need cheese stat as tomatoes are almost over for the season.

6. Carnation brand powdered milk also does not work and is strangely expensive. My head is about to explode.

7. Oh. My. Insane.  I am now insane from all the times I have tried to make this cheese. This EASY, 30 MINUTE MOZZERELLA. THAT’S IT!

I call a hiatus in this effort to attempt to keep some sort of sanity and the fact that it is now late October and every delicious home grown tomato is dead along with my will to live.

Months later after my nervous lactose tic has subsided, I see a class for cheesemaking at the local kitchen store. I am so IN! I mean really at this point, the first batch of mozzarella I make is going to be worth a mint so what’s another $40 for the possibility of sanity and the chance to finally slay my white whale.

The poor teacher didn’t see it coming. I mean, how could she? The first things out of my mouth to her are “I am so sorry, I know I am going to bug you…” We chatted briefly about my failed relationship with the cheese and I settled in for class. Step by step I watched as she did EVERYTHING THE EXACT SAME WAY that I did. Until- wait! What’s this? Liquid rennet? Could that possibly be it? The kit came with tablet rennet and she is using liquid. Why would cheesemaking.com set me up for such failure with powdered rennet? Her cheese turns out beautifully and tastes delicious and everyone in class probably thinks I’m a first class moron for somehow managing to F that process up even once. Chef MG sets me up with some liquid to take home and her email address; god love her.

I set everything up and am follwoing every step to the utmost precision. Add the diluted rennet. Holy cow, it’s been 30 seconds and already I have better curds then I ever have before. Don’t get too excited, I mean, it could all be a cruel joke. Wait for it. OH YES! I have cheese! For real, honest to goodness, I made it myself cheese. I did a dance in my kitchen. It wasn’t me, I am not a moron, it was the product! I take my cheese out on the town to celebrate. Ok not really out on the town because that would actually make me a full fledged nut job, but I did take it over to a friends house for dinner because sharing is caring and I know that I can make more.

I can make more cheese.

 

So PS as an addendum: I can’t make more cheese.  I tried again a few more times and continued to fail. I still have trouble talking or writing about it, the wound doesn’t seem to want to heal.   *sigh*

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